All Is Fair In Love (In Memory Of A Dear Friend)

All Is Fair In Love (In Memory Of A Dear Friend)

by: nice mice

ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE. LOVE'S A CRAZY GAME TWO PEOPLE VOW TO STAY IN LOVE AS WHAT THEY SAY

It wasn't always like this. It's been three months since I got stuck in this lonely room. I don't wanna eat; I could barely fall into sleep. I'm restless. The walls are dirty, the bed sheets and pillows are rough and muddled. I'm sitting next to my bed, praying you'll always be here with me, loving me.

It was the first Thursday in the month of June 2001. I was drinking iced tea while waiting for the bus to be fully occupied with passengers. It was the same old traveling time that I have to sit for around one and a half hours in this bus just to get home.

Then I saw you coming. You were busy texting while walking towards the doorway. I saw you bumped your head in the TV hanging beside the driver's seat. You could do nothing but to shake your head off and flash a cute grin to each and everyone who saw you, including me. I just cut my eyes off you so that you could not notice me staring at you. But fate is pretty playful, you sat beside me. The bus has many vacant seats to offer, I dunno why you chose the available one beside me. I am still staring outside; while you were still texting. My gaydar buzzed in my head: "cute guy wearing pink tight shirts and highlights on hair…GAY! GAY! Alert! Gay man on ur side"

"Ay shit! Excuse bro, may load ka ba? Patext naman. Importante lang" you said while scratching your head and showing that same cute grin again. I handed you my cellphone, it really is ok with me. I smiled back a sweeter smile than yours. You could even have my cellphone if you want to, but you only asked to make use of it. After you're done texting you returned my phone and thanked me. "Salamat talaga, kakahiya naman sa'yo". I accepted your gratitude then I stared outside again. This time, I wasn't focused on what's outside; I was thinking what you're doing beside me. I'm trying to learn by heart how you look like.

We, coincidentally, went down on the same place. You, being beside the bus aisle, went out first then I followed. We even went to the same tricycle terminal. You asked where I am heading, when you found out that we live on the same village, you asked is it okay if we ride at the same tricycle, I nodded and answered "sige, sa dama de noche street lang ako". You told me you live at the street next to ours. Ting!

Nothing can be heard inside the trike. All the noises came from the outside. I can't think of anything to break the awkward silence, that's why I did nothing. I simply remained tongue-tied. All I know is you kept looking at me in the mirror in front of us; I just pretended that I wasn't noticing you at all.

I was the first one to go down the trike. By common courtesy I should pay the fare though it's you who asked if we could ride together. "Bayad na po ng kasama mo" the driver explained when he refused to accept my payment. I tried to step back and thank you and all you said in return was "next time ikaw naman taya. Thanks uli sa text". Puzzled I became, how you could be so sure if there is a next time. Well, jut as I thought earlier, fate can be playful, we'll never know what to expect. I tried to smile at you plainly then the trike went off.

The next day came; monotony still encircled my daily life. Paper works, coffee breaks, paper works, meal time, paper works, here comes my boss for more paper works, paper works and nothing but paper works, blah blah blah!

When 5:00 pm came, I hastily fixed my desk, then I turned on my cellphone and read the messages I received. Four messages came from an unknown number…
"hi its me, glen, thanks ulit sa text"; and
"Sensya nga pala, nanay ko kc yung tnext ko khpon, nakita ko number mo sa fone niya kya kinuha ko na number mo, number ko na i2ng gamit ko."; and
"May load na pla me. yehey!"; and the last one says
"R u free 2nyt?"

Are you hitting on me? Are you interested in me? I sure am not the hunky type of guy. I wear glasses, my outfits are pretty boring, I never went to a gym, I could barely be noticed not unless I did something to catch your attention. Maybe you're just playing heartthrob with me. Well, I like you but I wouldn't want to be a part of your collection (probably)…That was what I thought at first. If it was a game, well mister, I ain't playin.

I was walking along the hall in our office when I decided to send you a reply text. I said its Friday and I'm free, so what?! You replied hurriedly asking if I can join you for a stroll along the mall or drink some shots of liquors in your favorite bar. It sounded like you've planned this ahead so I could not help but to accept your invitation.

I found the two of us sitting in a restaurant. You ordered dinner and a bottle of champagne, all was your treat. Was it your birthday? You told me its not. Well, it was neither my birthday. That day was just an ordinary day for me but it meant the other way for you. That day is just special, you never explained why. After eating you asked what my name is. We're so stupid to eat together and chat without formally introducing each other. I told you my name is Ed, and you told me you're Glen. Everything else that followed was kept in my mind and in my heart. After we ate, you asked if I could join you and drink some shots in the bar, I asked where, you said in your home. Hmmmm…are you in a hurry? We could take things slow.

Im not that "pa-girl" type of guy. If I like someone, I'd do whatever he wants and what the chances ask, but all in an appropriate point in time. I just don't know why I'm suddenly turned into this slave of yours and I kept doing whatever you asked me to. In short, we became a pair of dating friends in a matter of days. I can still remember the day when we first landed sight on each other, then a week after, we were kissing, caressing, and sucking each other's cock in your own house next to the street where I live with my parents. Like a finger's snap, everything really went fast.

I must admit that this is not my first time. I've been in loved several times before, but all came into an end, some ended smoothly, some ended the other way. My standards of a lifetime companion were never met, including you. But I feel deep inside like you are my Mr. Right.

Jay, William, and some of my friends, told me that this kind of relationship doesn't go for a long time. A seed buried yesterday that began to flourish today could easily die in a day or two. Maybe they're right. Relationships are not meant to be like that, investment in effort and time is needed to be exactly sure if the person is the right one for you. I know that, but why am I ignoring such advices? Well, the feeling could be superficial, but I'm here to enjoy it. Days went by and you became a regular part of my life.

I could see myself as the unbeatable champion in your game of love. I was playing good enough to stay at the top of your ranking. Well, I least tried to do the challenges and tasks that your game of love asked. I started going to the gym as you have told me. We went there together. After our regular work out, you were too busy giving my dick a blow. We never mind those people around us whenever you kiss me every time that we go out. We went to various places, I started doing things I never did before. Cleaning the house, partying until dawn breaks, drinking as many bottles as I could, smoking cigs, screwing your ass while we were in my new bought car parked somewhere dark, licking every part of your gorgeous body while you're cooking. Aahh! I've had the best days of my life with you. It felt like forever. My life changed the day we exchanged "I love you's" to each other. I could even depict our connection as something better than those seen in the cinemas.

On Valentines Day, the year after, you asked something that shocked me, you asked me to move in your house. I, without telling my parents, accepted your offer. I'm old enough to do decide where should I stay, and besides, I think it's alright with mom and dad. You really know that I'd do anything to make our relationship better than the days gone by. I started doing things that your impish mind thought of. Be it not in favor of my will, things would end up accordingly to what satisfies you.

BUT ALL IS CHANGED WITH TIME. THE FUTURE NONE CAN SEE. THE ROAD YOU LEAVE BEHIND. AHEAD LIES MYSTERY.

As our affair grew older, I noticed that you wouldn't wanna talk about your past. I saw some letters and portraits you hid in your dresser. It's you with this same guy, maybe your ex-boyfriend or what. You asked me not to mention about him again, what's with that guy that makes you petulant or grumpy the whole day long. Must he be the worst gay boyfriend living here on earth? Are you some sort of enemies? My questions bout him were never answered until one day in summer.

I thought going to a beach would make you feel better, from work, from him, from me. We were in Batangas, strolling along the beach when someone called your name from behind. You looked shocked; it seems you wouldn't even wanna glance back. I saw that look in your face and I could still remember it until now. The voice called your name again. "Glenn Paul! Teka sandali!". Then suddenly your face changed, a hint of rage grew as you turn backwards then you hit him in the face.

I was shocked not because you could punch, but the guy you hit was the same guy I saw in the pics. You started crying and hugged him then kept yelling at him, words came out from your mouth that made me leave the two of you for a while. "putangina ka! Iniwan mo ako nang nagiisa, tapos ngayon parang ok lang sayo lahat." It was the only thing I heard while I started making steps ahead the beach house where we stayed. As I get farther, my ears felt bigger. I wanna hear the two of you talk, but I have to give way. I love you, you love me too, I should trust you. I should bear no worries, not even when my heart screams out loud that I should take you away from him.

The night came, I ordered dinner and I waited for you. As I saw you coming, I became so curious what happened there in the sands. My eyes were nailed on you; I didn't notice you were walking with that guy. I saw an empty face, one thing you never showed me before. Both of you apologized for what happened. You told me the truth between the two of you, and that is what I don't wanna be reminded again.

I tried to forget everything that has been told by the two of you; I was even nice to welcome him as my friend. I thought that it is all okay, I still have you and I have a new friend. That was what I thought.

Time came that you were making excuses for not going home for a night; we were not going out together that often; my friends told me they saw you with a guy older than you. I ignored the rumors; you still have my trust. I never would think of anything bad towards you. I still believe that it's me you love.

BUT ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE. I HAD TO GO AWAY. A WRITER TAKES HIS PEN TO WRITE THE WORDS AGAIN…THAT ALL IN LOVE IS FAIR.

The cold nights extended that's why I decided to go back to our house, I felt empty and alone in your home. It used to be filled with memories of us, but those memories started to lessen. I wasn't cleaning the house naked; we were not making love in every possible place inside, especially in the stairs which used to be the hottest one; we seldom eat together; it's as if something is wrong. I wouldn't wanna know coz I'm afraid, I'm too scared to know.

The month of June 2002 came; it should be our first anniversary of being together. I prepared dinner for the two of us. I made sure everything should turn out as I planned it to be. I wore the polo you bought me last month, I adorned the table with your favorite green roses, I have a complete meal and your fave champagne, I even had some music going to set the passionate mood on.

All went perfect except for the one main ingredient, the star of the night. It is you Glen Paul. You didn't show up, again.

BUT ALL OF FATE'S A CHANCE. IT'S EITHER GOOD OR BAD. I TOSSED MY COIN TO SAY IN LOVE WITH ME YOU'L STAY.

I decided not to find you every possible place you could be. I just went out, I drove myself to a place which I first felt a heartbreak given by you. I busied myself drinking some liquor while lying at the shore, never minding the cold sea water that soaks up my clothes. My mind was blank and my heart was filled with burden. I was too drank that my visions went blurred and I felt so sleepy.

I was awakened by someone saying…"Good morning po sir, kuhanan ko lang po kayo ng vital signs, kamusta na po pakiramdam niyo?"

I'm inside the hospital for an unknown reason. I asked the nurse why am I in this room? What happened? She told me that I was rushed to the hospital by someone. The guy who rushed me to the hospital said that he found me too drank wherein my pulse stopped and my heart stopped beating. He thought I died of nervous breakdown or heart attack. The nurse gave me a sheet of paper, she said the guy who saved me gave it to them and said to hand it to me once I'm awake. It reads…..

"I never imagined that I would have to leave you like that. It was never easy for me to leave you for another guy. You are perfect, while I am not. Don't ever think that our relationship ended because of you. It's my fault Ed. I'm not hoping that you would forgive me for this big betrayal but I do hope that you'll be okay. I hope that you'd move on and find a better person, someone that's the absolute opposite of who I am. Martin and I will be leaving for the U.S. the day you're reading this letter. I'm sorry"

I was in misery without you, I could not imagine life without you, and it was such a painful thing to go through, to have you being taken away. But I dried my tears, even thought it took a couple of years, I guess I had to just get over my fears of being alone.

Sometimes it's really hard to just let go, don't feel like moving on. Breathing air is hard to bear when the one that you love is not there. Thoughts of you sit heavy on my mind. I always reminisce on our good times. I'll just take it day by day; I know that it'll never be easy…

I resigned from my work coz it really has been hard for me every time I go out and see places we've been. I decided to stay at home and drown myself with liquor just to get over you.

BUT ALL IN WAR IS SO COLD. IT'S EITHER WIN OR LOSE. WHEN ALL IS PUT AWAY, THE LOSING SIDE I'LL PLAY

I thought I was strong, I thought I'd be fine. But look, I was almost lifeless on the floor. I kept smoking and drinking; till I found out a new friend. He's indescribable and he really made me feel damn good. Every time we're together…everything turns out the way I want to be. He makes me be with you again. It's strange though coz mom, dad, and my friends try to stop my connection with that new found friend. I was begging like crazy for them to give him back to me. Without him, your presence can't be felt. You can't be seen up there in the trees at our backyard; I can't hear your voice coming from the toilet bowl; I can't feel your touch every time I lay a hand on the hot flat iron. Without my friend, there are no chances of having you.

Then everything felt stupid, there were guys rushing me towards a room. I can't move; breathing was also tough. I thought that they're upto something. I remember kicking them as hardly as I could; words came from my mouth uncontrollably. "Putangina niyo! Hindi ako makahinga. Bakit ganito suot ko? May trabaho pa akong gagawin. Hoy! Ikaw! Tangina ka! nasaan ako? Isusumbong ko kayo kay sailormoon. Parurusahan niya kayo sa ngalan ng buwan. Sailormoon tulungan mo ako! Hindi ako makagalaw."

Then a guy hit me directly on my face, I couldn't tell if it hurt me but I saw blood coming out form my mouth. I screamed harder for sailormoon's help. Every attempt to call that heroine's name added the amount of blood stain to the white jacket that I wore.

"Putangina. Nasaan na ba si Glen Paul. May date kami mga leche. Gigimik pa kami ng syota ko. Late na ako."

Then a lady came inside the room, she was holding something. As the door swung open, I saw a lady crying outside the room, with her are some guys giving her a comfort. They seem to be looking at my direction. Its mom and dad with two of my best friends, Jay and William. I tried to yell for help but then the door shut closed, I saw the lady standing beside me, she tried to do something at my arms with that thing she was holding and it quickly made me feel dizzy. After that, my visions blurred, my consciousness dropped, I felt like I'm dead.

BUT ALL IS FAIR IN LOVE. I SHOULD HAVE NEVER LEFT YOUR SIDE

"Bhe, pasensya ka na. Mahal naman kita, Heto pasalubong, ilalapag ko sa sahig hah?! Smile ka na, uuyy, ngingiti na ang mahal ko. Ang guwapo talaga." I was awakened by your voice Paul but where are you? I roamed my eyes around the room, but you're nowhere. I tried to search outside, but there was nothing except for bushes and trees. Maybe you're with that Martin again. I shouldn't have given the chance for both of you to talk. I'm stupid. I'm dumb. You're a double crosser. I love you still, I don't know if you really feel the same way too.

To my dismay I sat down on the floor and started to cry hard, I intended to cry at the top of my voice so that you could hear me.

What happened? Was this all because of me?

I couldn't help but cry while embracing my muddled and smelly pillow. I could barely think of anything, it seems that my brain doesn't want to and my heart tells me not to think or even feel of anything else again. I'm locked up in this room; therefore I could do nothing to fill in my empty thoughts. I just wish that you'd be here. We could fix things out if you just wanted to.

A WRITER TAKES HIS PEN TO WRITE THE WORDS AGAIN…

Lady in white to the big guy outside saying: "He must have gone through a very tough road. I think he is also a victim."
Guy: "I know. Those two guys shouldn't have been killed if they were fair. Love is really a crazy game. If you mess up, anything could happen."
Lady: "Nobody saw it coming. They just thought he was ok, they said that he always tried to be ok. But then, that incident happened, I just could point a finger to anybody else to be blamed. I just wish he would be fine."
Guy: "Let's hope he will"

...THAT ALL IN LOVE IS FAIR

---o0o---